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I do not know where the winds will take these words, for I speak them to no one. Mayhap Taranis stormlord will carry them through the worlds to another land where my brother yet dwells or maybe my beloved will hear them in Annwn. I do not know. My heart is heavy and I cannot afford to burden any of the other men near me. They count on me to be strong, to be their Cridhe – their heart. Like I was when we were whole. Back then I had the brutal blade, my Deas-Làmh – my right side, [[Gamond]] with me and behind me was my beloved brother, my Innsgin – my mind, [[Melkin]]. Now, all I have left is Làmh chli – my left side, my immovable [[shield]] [[Maelgwyn]]. Back then we were whole. The blade full of hate and brutal to the core, the [[shield]] staunch and unyielding, the mind cunning and reflective. These were both strengths and weaknesses. [[Gamond]] was brutish, harsh and unforgiving. His life was violent and hateful with nothing to temper it. And in the end, no one stood him near, for no one was let in. [[Melkin]] was always seeking to fight with his mind as much as he fought with a blade. Unfortunately, he was often at war with himself, always uncertain of who he was and of who he was meant to be. [[Maelgwyn]] was and ever will remain intractable. He doesn´t move whether metaphorically speaking or literally. His beliefs are carved in stone like the commandments of his god. And finally, myself. Mercurial, elusive and passionate. Men has laid claim to my loyalty but in the end I have only truly served my own desires. A reminder that some things are stronger than the oaths that bind us. That the heart that beats within us all ultimately cannot be chained forever. Is it a wonder then that what we do is just protect our own [[borders]] and try to hold on to what little we have left? That we cannot prevent disaster from striking us, time and again? That poor young [[Jenna]] almost fell to hear death, that she will be forever changed. If we still had Innsgin, he would have read [[Blains]] damnable intentions and we could have stopped him before it all went wrong. Deas-làmh would have caught them both, not just the villain himself, even though [[Blains]] certainly deserved having his head dashed out on the stones. Maybe I would have been faster to. I do not know if the years are catching up to me or if it is just that my will and desires aren’t as strong as they were when I was younger. I have always been more capable than the men around me and I still am, but if I compare me with myself ten years ago I seem to tire more easily and ever since that year when we helped [[Merlin]] steal the heir to the throne, my [[shield]] arm isn’t as strong as it was. When I lost [[Brangwen]], they say that I lost some of my bearing, but is that so strange? I lost a part of myself when she died. Part of my heart was always hers, from the first time I saw her. I wonder if my father felt the same way when he grew older. They say that although he grew weaker and slower as he aged, he never grew tired, that he could outlast men half his age even after he had lived 50 years. I cannot afford to weaken, not yet at least. I still must bring [[Gweneth]] home. I must still kill [[Saexwolf]] and [[Ansgar]] and their whole cursed family. I must see [[Salisbury]] safe until a new king rules in [[Logres]] so that we, the cymru, can finally crush the [[saxon]] invaders. <comments />
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